Mostly Thoughtless

Tam Brahm, thank you ma'am

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Life Is Beautiful

The light tremors that shook Chennai on the morning of Sunday, the 26th of December were just a prologue to the massive tragedy that came later on in the day. It was shocking, to say the least. The incident itself wasn't new to the world. We've seen it happen before, but only to other countries. But even then, this was a hard pill to swallow. It was the kind of stuff that nightmares are made of. In fact, I still can't believe that it really happened. But it did. India lost to Bangladesh.

Ha ha, just kidding. I was, in fact, talking about the tsunami (pronounced 'tsunami') that killed thousands of people across a number of different countries. This tsunami was a result of the most devastating earthquake in the last 40 years, even worse than the one during the last Adnan Sami concert.

Anyway, coming to the point, I was scared shitless when my house started shaking on Sunday morning and in those few moments of terror, I realised that I had no clue whatsoever about what to do in case of a massive natural disaster. In the next few moments, I totally forgot about it. And then, sometime back, I remembered. So, I immediately went and did a lot of research on the subject. After many minutes of hard work, here, for your benefit, is a comprehensive guide that might help you survive the next major disaster. Let's call it 'Tsunami Survival made easy'.

Let's start off with a simple F.A.Q...

What is a tsunami?

A tsunami is a really large wave, or a really rad motorcycle, or a seafood speciality, or an Akira Kurosawa movie. It doesn't really matter because all Japanese names sound the same anyway.

What causes them?

Tsunamis are almost always caused by earthquakes. However, South Indian film-song sequences that involve heavy dancing also have been known to cause big tidal waves. It is in view of this danger that most songs are shot in other countries these days.

What do I do when a tsunami strikes?

It depends, really. If you're out swimming in the ocean, and you start to notice that the waves are getting really high, then you should get out of the water immediately and rush to the nearest TV set, to see if there are any Tsunamis predicted for your region. If there are, then you can go back to your swim. But on the other hand, if the genial weatherman predicts a nice, sunny day then you'd better get your soggy ass out of there fast.

Are TV weathermen always wrong?

Yeah.

What if I'm on land?

Well, if you live close to the beach, keep an eye on the swimmers. If they get out of the water and rush to the nearest TV set, start wearing your running shoes. If the swimmers get back in the water, take them off. Otherwise, join the swimmers in getting the hell away from the sea.

What if I have a car?

Good for you.

No, I mean, can I use it to escape from the sea?

Oh, that way... sure, you can use your car to get away. Just don't give a lift to any of the swimmers. You don't want to get your nice seats all sandy and smelling of salt.

What if I don't live near the ocean?

Hmmm... good question. Here's something you can do. If you look closely at the top right corner of your computer screen, you'll notice that there's a small square button with an X on it. Move your mouse pointer there and click once.

Do I need to stock up on food supplies?

Not really. After the tsunami strikes, all the seaside shops will, in all probability, be devastated. Wait for the seismic activity to die down. Then you can go and loot those shops for any products that are still intact. Remember to take your car. You can stuff a lot of things in it and go back for more.

What about bravery medals and stuff?

Yes, very pertinent question. A really prestigious bravery award will require you to have saved atleast a hundred people from sure death. Now, this is way out of reach for most of us mere mortals. The least we can hope for is a local Rotary Club medal for saving around ten people. Saving one or two will earn you a mention in Reader's Digest. This is completely useless because although millions of people subscribe to the magazine, only around three will end up reading it - you, and the two people you saved.

However, not to worry. I have discovered the one surefire way of getting you the medal you so richly deserve. Act smart. Save a dog, or a cow or something. Some Animal Lovers society will immediately spring into action and present you with a large award in a glittering ceremony.

Finally, what is the most important thing to remember?

Stay away from the beach. I cannot stress this point too much. Actually I can, but I won't. But stay the hell away from the ocean. It's a very dangerous place, especially when Tsunamis are around. Only seasoned (pun intended) journalists holding valid Press Club ID cards are allowed to stand near the beach and present live reports without being hit.


I sincerely hope that all the above tips will help you survive the next big Tidal Wave to strike your part of the world. Unfortunately, statistics show that 60% of the kids aged 11-14 in New Delhi have already lost their virginity. Now that doesn't apply here directly, but it is something that I've spent a lot of time thinking about.

The statistic that does apply is that most people are not likely to take any of this great advice seriously. That is because they don't visit my blog, and hence won't read it. So, the least you can do to ensure the safety of your community is to send them a link. Spread the knowledge. It could save lives!!!

And also, now that you've escaped the catastrophe, learn to value your life more. Live it to the fullest. Go watch a good movie, maybe 'Tsunami'. Feel the wind beat against your face as you tear down the road on your Tsunami. Go to the nearest restaurant and have a nice spicy Tsunami. Don't sweat for the small stuff. Enjoy life while it lasts. Have fun.


P.S: Pardon if you found the post insensitive. I hope you understand that that wasn't the intention.

47 Comments:

Blogger Bhim said...

Sorry to say, but I did find the post insensitive.

However, as you say, I hope the intention wasn't bad. It's a lighter way to look at things, but it's still too early to forget the davastation caused less than a month back.

Hope you understand.

4:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

great post vinod,

and no, I didn't think it was insensitive. you didn't even have to include the p.s. i think the title and the last paragraph showed your point. while mad van may be right, it is still too early to forget the tragedy but no, don't blame you at all for writing this post. Also like your other posts.

keep up the good work.

- Brian

6:56 PM  
Blogger Vinod said...

Yeah Brian, glad you could see it.

And Mad Van,

I was expecting at least one reaction like yours, if not more, that's why the P.S. And I completely disagree when you say that it's too early to forget the tragedy.

My point is that we shouldn't forget it. We should remember it and value life more because of it. Those tremors really shook me up. I started wondering what we'd have done if our house had collapsed and it was scary. When you imagine stuff like that, i guess you'd be grateful for what you have now.

9:42 PM  
Blogger Sneha said...

Hey...Really nice post...just the right mix of humour and seriousness... Also read a couple of other posts..Liked your style.. Would you mind if I put up a link on my blog...?

5:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry this was schockingly distasteful......levity is most inappropriate at a time when people are still coming to grips with the tragedy.appending a one line PS does not redress the harm done by the paras and paras of sheer insensitive blah.....contrary to your post i believe u still haven't understood the gravity of the situation.remember this :when it's distasteful it never is funny.......I think your earlier blogs were excellent.

6:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, you are very funny but this blog was distasteful to say the least. It was revolting. One Lakh seventy thousand people died. One lakh Seventy Thousand. dont think that stastics mean much to you. Adding "enjoy life" doesnt make it any less insensitive. Wonder what you would have commented if you had lost a relative and then come across such a blog.

"scared shitless when my house started shaking on Sunday morning "-- Man. that must have hurt. Wont be visiting this blog anymore. You might ask me to lighten up, but I think its your attitude that fucking sucks.

"Here's something you can do. If you look closely at the top right corner of your computer screen, you'll notice that there's a small square button with an X on it. Move your mouse pointer there and click once"---Should have done it then but doing it now after I hit the publish button.

8:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mostly Thoughtless?--Indeed.

8:51 PM  
Blogger andy said...

Hey vinod, been following this blog for quite a while and makes for excellent worktime reading. About this blog in particular, i found it damn good!! and "parody is our birthright", so, never apologise for exercising it. Keep the humour going dude.

12:53 PM  
Blogger Vinod said...

I must confess that I don't quite know what to say. I generally go out of the way not to offend anyone so I'm slightly sad.

Both the anonymouses, I respect your opinion and thanks for letting me know how you feel. Maybe I'll keep you in mind next time I write a post.

Mercury and Andy, thanks, I'm glad you liked it. And mercury, no problem with the link.

1:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

u must be ashamed of this blog......taking the right to free speech to the extremes.

5:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

u must be ashamed of this blog......taking the right to free speech to the extremes.Brian and

5:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

u must be ashamed of this blog......taking the right to free speech to the extremes.Brian and mercury

5:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

u must be ashamed of this blog......taking the right to free speech to the extremes.Brian and mercury have

5:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

u must be ashamed of this blog......taking the right to free speech to the extremes.Brian and mercury have u

5:41 PM  
Blogger S.Karthik said...

Hey Vinod,

Man, you got talent. The more I read your blog, the more like to believe that I once wrote with such a carefree spirit ... It is truly a gift. God, who am I kidding - actually you are better.

In fact, your blog is becoming a kind of inspiration for me now - to rewind a decade (whew! I was 18 once upon a time) and chill out.

In fact, I am going to link your blog in mine in a special "must read" section.

Cheers. Thanks. And keep them coming.

7:45 PM  
Blogger Vinod said...

Karthik,

Thanks a ton! You don't know how much that means to me. Really glad you enjoyed it.


And Anonymous, I really don't what kind of keyboard problems you had but I think I get your point...

6:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sorry VinD my man, i must agree with all the anons that u went a tad too far......dont think u and i would see it the same way if any of our relatives were involved.


A Friend(A good Friend)

11:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

maaplai!
ask all those anonymouses to run around the tree and fuck themselves cuz thats the only way they'll get to fix their own little personal natural disaster -- their inability to get laid.
jobless fucks ma, if they really felt that strongly about it, they wudnt be taking time out to read blogs and post stoopid ass comments, they wud be out there helping with relief work with no time/inclination/facility even for taking a dump! (well, thats just a clue for you to confirm who I am)
ur blog has a reputation of being irreverent, it doesnt take anything seriously and u've written that post script for those with a stick up their ass...
i wud ve put my name but anonymous shitheads dont need to know who is really abusing them illai... :)
And hey, i hope u win that iPod! Good to see u today at Saarang.

1:39 AM  
Blogger Elixir said...

heylo Ji...im not sure if u were da 1 who dropped by my blog da other day. If u are, thankz 4 dropping by n if u arent: then please do :P

im kinda in two minds bout this post of urs, i admit its a tragedy and i swear its da most funny shit ive read...aah well...

cheers

3:11 AM  
Blogger Vinod said...

Good friend, do mail me privately who you are, I'd really like to know!


Or at least leave some brilliant clues like the Anon after you. Thalaiva, thanks! And the I-pod thing was just speculation. Maybe after reading the article, they'll actually decide to give it!!!! SO, in that case, double thanks!


And Elixir, I wasn't the one who dropped in a while ago. But I dropped in just now. Cool blog! And keep visiting!

7:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

An open challege to the mother fucker who posted as anonymous(You must have the smallest brain in the world) to trash all anons and then post as anon......where did your fuckin balls go you mother fucker.why dont you reveal yourself.i guess u get laid often(with all the fuckin whores near your house)

12:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lol!
Yes, I do get laid often... didn't your Momma tell you yet? :P
ROFLTIME!

1:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ha ha.......the question is whether your dick head pa and your slutty mom abuse u as a child....come on you must have enjoyed it, your mama gives the best blow jobs(my watchman said so).

9:09 PM  
Blogger Rohit said...

It's geting interesting....

9:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Vinodh,Think it's going too far.the exchanges are getting vulgar over a petty issue.both of them are going out of line and this is not a forum for people with kinky ideas a la the anonys, to express themselves.

9:18 PM  
Blogger Vinod said...

Yeah yeah, I do think it's getting out of hand and I'm feeling really awful because the ultimate point of this blog is to have fun. So guys, let's just call it quits.
Wokay?

9:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

if CR does not shut his trap i will beat him up.....i'm not joking u son of a bitch.

5:27 PM  
Blogger Vinod said...

Ok, this is getting out of hand. Just cut it out. And I don't know what gave you that idea but it wasn't even CR. And if you're a known person, just mail me privately no. What're you worried about?

10:02 PM  
Blogger Srijan said...

hey man...loved your whole blog!
kunal (savardekar) asked me to check it out...was worth it...
can i link to you?
keep up the good work!

11:02 PM  
Blogger Vinod said...

Hey Srijan, thanks a lot. Glad you liked it. No hassles on the linking.

6:39 AM  
Blogger pr!tz said...

Hi Vindy!

I liked the blog entry for a couple of things.
You brought out 'irony' in a nice way in he entry - like in all others. but hey - I just might sue you for taking my 'LiB' line off from me! ;)

And that number about Delhi folks.... is it so????? Been in this city for a while and even a wet kiss on a park bench will get you a couple of raised eyebrows and an enquiring police officer!

I must say.... the blog isnt half as distasteful as the 'anonymous comments' posted along with the entry! Wonder if you can censor them, Vindy.... but then, its a free country!

As for the sensitivity and trivializing issue, I think we shouldn't hang Vinod so much for doing that. When biggies in Newspapers do it, we look up to it as a 'mature' comment, and when a blogger does it, its distasteful!

I guess the Theme for the Day is IRONY.
Recommended reading for this mood, The God of Small Things.

9:30 AM  
Blogger Saad said...

Sir, I must say I am absoulutly shocked by this post and it's TOTAL lack of compassion and dignity. I mean 60% of 11-14 year olds!

Mother of God! What are they feeding these children?

Then again, I didnt fail to notice that it doesnt say lost their virginity to WHAT?

Beware, Goats and Donkeys...

4:34 PM  
Blogger subss25 said...

Hi Vinod,
Awesome posts of late..dude ur indeed making most of your 8th sem. Enjoy it dude..its one of the best, carefree times u can ever have.
Regarding the blog..i feel every issue or a point has two sides to it. It depends on from which side ur looking at the picture. I am sure Vinod does understand the gravity of the disaster. All of you would have read serious articles on newspapers, websites and watched the might of nature and the destruction it has caused.
But blogging is not meant for reporting news in the general way. Vinod has given us a nice read..to have a lighter view of things. On reading his blog i was just reminded that all things have a beginning and an ending. Learn to accept this truth.
I feel we need to appreciate the different points of view that come up on a topic and learn to develop tolerance towards those we do not accept.

6:07 PM  
Blogger Vinod said...

Well said Pritz and Subbs, I guess that about summed it up. Hope all the bad vibes have been removed and Saad, I think only you focussed on the part that really mattered!!! :) Keep visiting, dude!

8:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

mr. anon, whats the use taking this stuff seriously n making such a big issue out of something that was meant for fun? why dont u go scream at jerry seinfeld or dave barry for making fun of serious issues? if uve lost a relative or friend then just dont relate the 2 events. read this blog objectively.

about the blog it absolutely rocks ... i loved the part where u go

What if I have a car?

Good for you.

No, I mean, can I use it to escape from the sea?

LOL LOL LOL ... just had me laughing for 10 mins straight.

keep going
sisto

8:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Vindy, I loved your Post.. A welcome change from the Ambiguous Verbose Complicated trash another blogger friend of me write...( and holds me at gun point to read)..His Sir name..starts with a W ( Oh Damn! Have I given away too much information).
Anyway, really like yr writing style, clear, compact, concise and a light delectable sense of humour..lil bit like Woody Allen's movies. And for all those of you , who thought this article was insensitive, thoughtless and was devoid of respect to the tsunami victims, I share in your grief ..which is why to cheer you guys up..I wanted to invite all of u "Offended one's" to a Beach House Party..with sun surf...and Hold your Breath...Special Attraction...you guessed it "Free Tsunami Wave Ride".
Gimme a break , how many of you actually lost ppl you know..in this tragedy...Apart from yr driver's 3rd wive's illegitamate son's ex girlfriend's step dad..and probably he as well..suffered only Minor Injuries..Cheers. Damn..Hope I did'nt offend anyone - Sudhir.

9:16 PM  
Blogger Rohit said...

I'm quite offended Sudhir...because I'm that driver's third wive's illegitamate son's ex-girlfriend's step dad :@

5:25 PM  
Blogger Ashok said...

I guess I should have commented a lot earlier; the thirty-eighth comment isn't exactly noticeable. Anyway, I think you write superbly, and yours is about the only blog that consistently makes me laugh. I sincerely don't know why that idiot ("anonymous") was asking us not to laugh just because a lakh people we don't know and don't care about died.

9:06 PM  
Blogger Dileepan said...

Hey,

Stumbled on to your blog. Nice writing. The discerning reader will make out that no condescension is intended by the author. Not concurring with the mass should be the least of a writer's concerns. My view.

3:57 AM  
Blogger Ashok said...

Jack of all Jacks, —The dumb reader too won't make out any "condescension". What in the world are you talking about?

9:09 AM  
Blogger Vinod said...

Sisto, Sudhir thanks a lot! Glad you enjoyed it.

Jack of all jacks and Ashok, welcome! Thanks and do keep visiting!

5:25 PM  
Blogger Elixir said...

oyye vinod ji....Jan 19th was a looonnngggg time ago, or r u comin up wid another whooper??!!*grinning*

12:05 AM  
Blogger Ashok said...

Please read my views on the tsunami disaster, especially you, Anonymous, who philosophized about the lives lost. On the way back, don't forget to read my blog

3:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ashok, you must be one of the most insensitive people on earth. Your tsunami post was horrible.

you're probably wondering why I'm commenting here instead of on your blog itself. That's because I'm enraged by the fact that you think your post is similar to vinod's and don't want others to think the same. it's so damn obvious he's done it in a light vein while you are so ridiculously inhuman....

11:04 PM  
Blogger Ashok said...

Anonymous, —I'm surprised by your intense feelings. You've been quite consistent with your theme, so maybe you're not taking a dig at the general sentiment. (I'm assuming, of course, that it's the same Anonymous who's commenting everywhere.) That doesn't mean though that I don't think you're a damned fool.

9:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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10:18 PM  
Blogger Milf Cruise said...

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6:27 AM  

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