Mostly Thoughtless

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Monday, January 10, 2005

Eyes Wide Open

Yesterday, it was again that time of the year when all of Chennai’s high-spirited sports lovers decide to leave their worries at home and spend a couple of exciting hours at the magnificent Nungambakkam Tennis Stadium, making out with their girlfriends and watching Paradorn Srichapan change shirts. Yup, it was the final of the Chennai Open.

The Chennai Open is now an integral part of Chennai’s culture, like water scarcity. South Asia’s only ATP event is now into its ninth year of staging. Right from 1997, when it was first held, right upto the current edition, the tournament has managed to attract some of the biggest names in the sport. This year, the biggest name it attracted was Nezladioran Ibrahim Llubirizimunovich (35 letters).

Before we get on to the final itself, let’s first talk about the sport of Tennis. The game has been played on earth for about nine billion years, starting from the time when Pre-Historic man threw a rock in the air and swatted at it with his club, after which he sat down, ate a banana and changed shirts, in spite of the crucial fact that shirts hadn’t been invented back then. The sport gets its name from pioneering businessman George Tennis, who, when faced with an entire shipment of unsold mosquito nets, came up with the groundbreaking concept of tennis racquets thus making the game what it is now – a monumental waste of time. Incidentally, George also lends his name to a rather painful medical condition known politely as ‘tennis balls’.

Anyways, coming to the game itself, the final of the Chennai Open 2005 was played between Carlos Moya, the defending champion and Paradorn Srichapan, who holds the ATP Tour record for having changed the most number of shirts during a game (78,456). The match itself was a thrilling encounter that had us sitting, for the most part, on the edge of our seats. Actually, we were sitting on the edge only because the main seat area was covered almost completely by dry crow shit but that still doesn’t take away the fact that the match was extremely thrilling.

As the game was going on, I looked around at the crowd and noticed that most of the spectators seemed to be girls, very good-looking ones at that. However much you may want to debate it, it is an inescapable truth that girls are not into sports the way guys are. Traditionally, they’ve always enjoyed sports as much as guys enjoy a good castration, probably lesser. So, I was quite surprised to see so many girls in the stadium. But soon I understood that these girls weren’t just pretty faces. They were extremely pretty faces.

Now I was watching the game with a few friends, some of whom were female and let me make it perfectly clear at the outset that these girls were very knowledgeable about the game. From time to time, they would offer me their expert views on the goings on, like, “Oh, Moya’s soooooo hot….” And the other girls would concur, by noting that, “Yeah, he has really nice legs…” Soon one of them would spot the flaw in Moya’s game by saying, “Hmmmm….what if he’s married?” Throughout this discussion, I felt they were being totally unfair and so, I made my feelings clear. “What about Srichapan?” I asked and they went, “Sri…what? Oh, you mean the other dude…” I felt sorry for poor Paradorn and so, I was quite happy for him when he won the first set 6-3. He was so pumped up that he immediately changed shirts.

The enthusiastic Chennai crowd was pretty vociferous all throughout the game. And all the male spectators were united in their support of Paradorn, probably because their girlfriends thought Moya looked cute. Highly witty chants of “Mo-ya….Po-ya” filled the air as Srichapan raced to a 2-0 lead in the second set. He looked all set to close out the match when Moya, finally putting his rugged good looks to good use, started fighting back valiantly. He played some exhilarating tennis seasoned with breathtaking groundstrokes to finally edge the second set 6-4. Srichapan, in his disappointment, again changed shirts.

The match was intriguingly poised now with both the players having won a set each. Even the insects hovering around the floodlights settled down to watch. It was now down to the third and final set, which would decide who the winner was. And it didn’t disappoint. After a see-saw battle in which the lead changed hands more than 800 times, Paradorn Srichapan was crowned champion of the Chennai Open 2005. No wait, I’m sorry, it was Moya.

Shortly after the last point had been won, there was a presentation ceremony that lasted almost ten times as long as the game itself. In fact, there’s a strong possibility that it’s still going on. And right from the start, it was pretty evident that the Tsunami disaster of the last fortnight was still on top of everyone’s mind as all 293 of the speakers took turns in referring to the tragedy in a sad voice. However, the feelings were probably summed up best by the champion Carlos Moya in his victory speech when he said, and I quote: “Hi all blah blah blah Chennai blah blah blah Tsunami blah blah blah Thank You.”

So, after a long evening of sitting in the heat, eating food that tasted like a bad word beginning with the letter S, and staring at lots of extremely beautiful girls, it was finally time for everyone to go back home and sleep, except for Paradorn Srichapan, who had to change shirts first.


Blogger Bigyan Satpathy said...

Hey Vinod,
thanks a lot.. n I have corrected the goof up .. u see.. and guess what.. the template idea was borrowed from your blog only.. hope u dont mind..

8:43 PM  
Blogger None said...

hey, was there for a brief while as well!

11:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

'This year, the biggest name it attracted was Nezladioran Ibrahim Llubirizimunovich (35 letters).'

'there was a presentation ceremony that lasted almost ten times as long as the game itself. In fact, there’s a strong possibility that it’s still going on.'


- Rohan

6:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It must be a coincidence, that I find this site the same week Dave Barry retires. Good work, keep it up. You've got yourself a regular visitor.

6:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice post. I can relate to what you are trying to say. I got the oppurtunity of having dinner at the VIP lounge and the conversation topics didn't change too much. 'Tanya' of Who Dares Wins fame made the occasional visit and shared her knowledable knowledge with us ! Venkat.

1:12 PM  
Blogger Bigyan Satpathy said...

I wonder why there is water shortage in Chennai.. may be coz people spend more water in laundry than anything else.. Look at Srichapan...

5:26 PM  
Blogger Vinod said...

Rohan, Anonymous thanks!

9:51 PM  
Blogger Vinod said...


You're one lucky guy and let me tell you, if Tanya Zaetta had been speaking like that, I probably wouldn't have noticed because I wouldn've been too busy to even listen to what she was saying!!!

Thaks for visiting. Do come back.

9:53 PM  
Blogger Vinod said...

Good Lord, good observation. Funny I didn't think of that myself...

9:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great Stuff as Usual, man...Just wondering..abt yr previous blog are those statistics..right or are u makin em up...regarind the 70 odd thousand ppl..who apparently..die.
Love the "Changing shirts" bit..and Venkat..yr one lucky S.O.B, but If I were u I wld'nt be listenin to what she said..I wld'nt even be lookin at her face..I'd be right in behind her..cause..yes u she has the finest "Rear" in the Post Hitler era ( make that reference cause all jewish women apparently had fine rears as well!) Cheers - Sudhir

5:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I completely agree with you, not so much abt tetris..It is a great game, yes ..and probably the core game for most of us as we were growing up..But I agree more so..with the complete stupidity, Idioticness and completely moronic nature of..the so cold The name sounds stupid enough..MMORPG..i BELIEVE)
I have a friend who was totally into this game..called "Ragnarok", which they apparently play in the phillipines..bad enough..we Indian's are so dependant on american entertainment and european fashion, we have to now depend on the fu#$%# phillipines..for our MMO..watever games. And, Apparently yr in this Unreal world where, u can be..whtever u said..A swordsman, A merchant..gimme a break..and where u kill these mundane objects..which basically look like their sole purpose of existence in this game, is to get killed..and u get points..and the Person who wins...Crowned Champion of the probably the most intellectually stunted..chap..who spends altogether a whopping..3 hrs in a day..not playing Ragnarok..and runs around these virtual world's though I'm sure if u ask him the way..from kodambakkam to kotturpuram..he wld probably blink at u..and then on more constant probing..he wld..say why dnt u use yr sword..or yr jet pack or something ..equally absurd..
But, these games are only probably half as boring as the other so called gaming revolution.."Strategy Games"..If u pls...Where u have to build nuclear reactors, by the complicated click of a button..whola! u have a nuclear reactor..or an Atomic power plant..and because these equally stunted in intellect ppl ..have probably heard these words nuclear and atomic..somewhere in their school text books..Juranmo..they actually term their game as educational!!
These games are abt as educational as the Pamela Anderson video (I'm sure..all of u know..which one I'm talkin abt)..actually to think of it that's a lot more educational. Enough of this rambling..cheers.- Sudhir

6:02 PM  
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3:08 AM  
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7:54 AM  
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9:16 PM  
Blogger nope said...


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10:58 AM  
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Chercher le temps et quelques comment terrien ici.

Blog agréable.

Je devrai revenir plus tard.

2:52 AM  
Blogger Hunt and Fish said...

Good post

6:33 AM  
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2:59 PM  

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