Host: Miss Rhode Island, please describe your idea of a perfect date.
Miss Rhode Island: That's a tough one. I would have to say April 25th. Because it's not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.
I was watching the Miss Universe 2004
contest the other day and by the time it finally got over, I was left speechless, and not necessarily because of the blinding beauty of all the participants. And at that low point, as it happens after every such pageant, I wondered what the world was coming to. And yeah, if it's Miss Universe, shouldn't they have girls from other planets as well? What's that all about?
I read somewhere recently that the CEO of the Miss America organization has said that the pageant is the end product of a year of competition that begins with 12,000 women and ends with one previously unknown woman, who overnight, becomes an international celebrity. This, he claims, is the ultimate in reality television.
Yeah, right and 'Baywatch'
has a script!
Traditionally, my viewership ends with the swimsuit round, but this year, I was so bloody bored with everything else that I decided to watch on till the end. The final questioning round apparently constitutes the major part of the contestant's score. Gee, I wonder what else they're looking for!
And even more shocking was the reaction from Miss India
Tanyushree Dutta's family after the poor sod had lost. "We are very disappointed that Tanyushree didn't make it to the final interview round.
", says her little sister, "We feel that had she made it, she could have shown the judges her real capacity.
" Yeah, her real capacity
, by saying, "If I could be reborn as someone else, I would like to be reborn as Mother Teresa because she helped the poor and sick.
" Thoo, shut the fuck up! And organisers, please don't insult the intelligence of the audience by saying that the girl who wins does so because her I.Q is high.
Before the stage show started, there was a video presentation where all the contestants introduced themselves and one thing that struck me during the whole thing was how unlucky some of the girls were. Let's face it, when it comes down to the intros, the unfortunate girl from Serbia and Montenegro
is at a definite disadvantage. "Hi, I'm so-and-so from Aruba.
" is definitely sexier than "Hi, I'm so-and-so from St.Vincent and The Grenadines!
" That way, Tanyushree was lucky because I think India has a very exotic ring to it.
My suggestion to the organisers is this - Don't reveal their countries, judge them first and after a particular girl has won, tell us where she's from. I think it'll be far more fun that way. And yeah, it'll definitely be more fair. Don't let their country's name affect their chances, I say, give Bosnia and Herzegovina
In other cases, the participants themselves have bad names. Ever wondered why you don't see too many Sri Lankans at these pageants? Here's why, "Hi, I'm Susanthika Bandaranaiyake Kumaratunga from Sri Lanka
". Need I say more?
After the intros were over, each contestant had a home video that told us more about them and it was genuinely funny to see how hard each of them was trying to win. I saw one of the contestants digging and planting trees with poor kids dressed in a silken shirt and tight pants with full makeup and hair done. A word of advice for future aspirants, If you have to put on an act, do it properly the next time around!
Next up was the swimsuit round and that, lemme tell you, was awesome television! But the whole thing turned into a farce when it was announced that the round was there in order to display the healthiness of the contestants! Geez, gimme a break
! But no, not complaining.
And yeah, the most cliched line of them all, "Let's not forget, all the girls here are winners!
Are they trying to tell us that all the girls there are capable of walking around the stage, sporting toothpaste-ad smiles, that all of them can stand with one hand on their slender hips and stare with twinkling eyes at the judges, and that unthinkably, all of them can be wise enough to know that the most important thing our society needs is World Peace. Naw, surely not all of them can do that!
And as in every pageant, there are some other consolation awards that are normally given to the losers, like 'Miss Beautiful Smile'
and 'Miss Evening Gown'
etc. I think there should be a few new ones, like maybe 'Miss May-be-secretly-married'
or 'Miss Would-have-a-better-chance-of-winning-the-lottery'
But finally, to end on a positive note, Miss Australia Jennifer Hawkins
was probably the best of the lot. She was a real classy babe, the only one who was real to an extent and yup, she completely deserved her title. But that doesn't change the fact that these pageants suck. Still on the subject, 'Miss Congeniality'
, where Sandra Bullock is a cop undercover at the Miss America pageant is a fairly decent watch. This and the piece of dialogue at the beginning of this blog are from the movie.
Host: What is the one most important thing our society needs?
Sandra: That would be... harsher punishment for parole violators, Stan.
[Crowd is silent]
Sandra: And world peace!
[Crowd cheers ecstatically]
All current and former contestants at beauty pageants have been granted honorary membership of WoMensa
. (Wondering what WoMensa is? Refer two posts back.)